Spring Break
Column: Handbook for the procrastinator
Dan Cusack / Columnist
Issue date: 4/30/09 Section: Opinions
I am a procrastinator, and I know I am not alone. I've seen you at the library cramming every last piece of knowledge until your head explodes. This, the last week of school, is the season for procrastination as everyone waits until the last minute to get everything done. How do you know it's the season of the procrastinator? Wal Mart runs out of energy drinks, nobody is in a good mood and 90 percent of Facebook statuses have a statement followed with the three letters "FML."
All semester, the projects we were assigned, the term papers we were given and the books we had to read seemed so far away. Now the clock is ticking. Being a certified procrastinator myself, here are some tips on how to get things done on time without winding up in a physch ward.
All nighters.
Let's face it. In this final week of school, sleep is overrated. I'm pretty sure it's a proven fact that the mind is at its most alert when it has not been rested in 28 straight hours. Next week, we will be free from lab reports and books by boring French writers no one has ever heard of. Summer is for rest so we can sleep then.
The key to the all nighter is really simple. Just drink as much energy drinks as possible, play your music really loud and, within a few days, you'll wonder why you have ever felt the need to take a nap in the first place. Just make sure you stay away from heavy machinery.
Wikipedia.
There is not enough time left in the semester to finish that 1,000-page epic you were assigned in January, so there is only one place to go that has all the answers at the tip of your finger. Wikipedia. The site is God's gift to procrastinators. For those not familiar, Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia that allows anyone to add information. What could go wrong there? Need to find who won the War of 1812? United States. Boom, found it in 12 seconds. Need to know who played Gunnar Stahl in "D2: The Mighty Ducks?" Scott Whyte. Bam, three seconds.
See, Wikipedia has everything and can always be trusted (Note: Never trust Wikipedia).
Procrastinate procrastination.
Anyone can procrastinate, but it takes a real warrior to wait until the very last second. Situation: You were assigned a term paper two months ago. It is the day before it is due. What's your move?
Wait until the last possible second. Everyone knows it's our human instinct to react with our utmost finest performance when we are trapped into a corner. It's basic human nature we inherited from evolution. So wait until 3 a.m. the day before the paper is due to start it. With panic and fear as motivation, you are bound to produce your finest work. You can't argue against science.
So for all you procrastinators out there, good luck with whatever assignment was not important enough to start on when it was assigned months ago. As for myself, I'm going to take a nap.
Dan Cusack is a sophomore journalism major. He can be reached at 581-7942 or at DENopinions@gmail.com.
All semester, the projects we were assigned, the term papers we were given and the books we had to read seemed so far away. Now the clock is ticking. Being a certified procrastinator myself, here are some tips on how to get things done on time without winding up in a physch ward.
All nighters.
Let's face it. In this final week of school, sleep is overrated. I'm pretty sure it's a proven fact that the mind is at its most alert when it has not been rested in 28 straight hours. Next week, we will be free from lab reports and books by boring French writers no one has ever heard of. Summer is for rest so we can sleep then.
The key to the all nighter is really simple. Just drink as much energy drinks as possible, play your music really loud and, within a few days, you'll wonder why you have ever felt the need to take a nap in the first place. Just make sure you stay away from heavy machinery.
Wikipedia.
There is not enough time left in the semester to finish that 1,000-page epic you were assigned in January, so there is only one place to go that has all the answers at the tip of your finger. Wikipedia. The site is God's gift to procrastinators. For those not familiar, Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia that allows anyone to add information. What could go wrong there? Need to find who won the War of 1812? United States. Boom, found it in 12 seconds. Need to know who played Gunnar Stahl in "D2: The Mighty Ducks?" Scott Whyte. Bam, three seconds.
See, Wikipedia has everything and can always be trusted (Note: Never trust Wikipedia).
Procrastinate procrastination.
Anyone can procrastinate, but it takes a real warrior to wait until the very last second. Situation: You were assigned a term paper two months ago. It is the day before it is due. What's your move?
Wait until the last possible second. Everyone knows it's our human instinct to react with our utmost finest performance when we are trapped into a corner. It's basic human nature we inherited from evolution. So wait until 3 a.m. the day before the paper is due to start it. With panic and fear as motivation, you are bound to produce your finest work. You can't argue against science.
So for all you procrastinators out there, good luck with whatever assignment was not important enough to start on when it was assigned months ago. As for myself, I'm going to take a nap.
Dan Cusack is a sophomore journalism major. He can be reached at 581-7942 or at DENopinions@gmail.com.
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