Issue date: 2/10/05 Section: The Verge

Greg Walker

"Hey, how's it going?"

"Good, you?"

"I'm good."

(Sound of crickets).

Has this happened to you? It's the dreaded awkward silence. No matter who you are talking to, you are going to have to deal with the awkwardness that is silence. Here's some advice.

Situation one: You are quite the pensive student and have shown up for class early. A friend takes a seat next to you. They're not your best bud, but you're not going to ignore their presence and pretend to be enthralled with the editorial comic in the DEN.

Here is my list of awkward silence killers that cannot fail in class:

"Doesn't this class suck?"

"Did you do the homework ... me neither."

"What's the deal with this teacher?"

"How about (insert area sports team)?"

If it is Monday or Tuesday: "Did you get wasted this weekend?"

If it is Thursday or Friday: "Are you getting wasted this weekend?"

Situation two: Another awkward silence moment is from unexpectedly running into a friend around campus. You may be walking to the Physical Science building, see a friend, you say hi, but instead of them saying hi back and continuing the walk, they stop to chat. Uh oh, being caught off guard is never good, and almost always ends clumsily. Here are some destroyers of the awkward silence:

"Where are you going?"

"Does that class suck?"

Alcohol-related questions.

And if you are really hurting for material:

"Oh crap! I'm going to be late for my class! Bye bye!" (May not work at night.)

This is just a taste of some of the situations you may be in. Here's a sample of wackiness:

Avoid all conversations during walks by keeping a cell phone glued to your ear, you're not talking to anyone on the phone, and the most you will get from passersby is a quick hello.

Headphones plugged into nothing. You can't start a conversation with anyone, they think you're too enthralled with the "Best of Scatman John" album. A head nod will do the trick. Bonus points for earmuff-sized headphones.

Stare into nothingness, why would anyone want to talk to you in the first place?

If the awkwardness is still too much for you, stay in your room and never come out, for you are the king of awkward.

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