Spring Break
Guide to better living
Partaking in the joy of stress
Holly Henschen
Issue date: 4/23/04 Section: The Verge
Stress-it's good for you, they say. As the semester winds down, the mounting pile of responsibilities and loose ends that teeter precariously overhead may seem about to come crashing down on you. It probably will soon, so when this happens, you can be ultra-prepared like a freaked out, overage boy scout or girl scout.
This guide will successfully see you through the end of the year. Disclaimer: I may be too stressed out to be funny. Read at your own risk. For entertainment purposes only.
-Keep a clear head
Yes, it's tempting to get all wasted, but you can do that when school is out. Instead, continuously imbibe coffee. Don't like coffee? Try soda, or pop, if you will. You'll have plenty of extra time to study, because you won't have to sleep. After a few days you'll be shaking and hallucinating like a jacked-up meth head, but hey, school is just that important.
-Eating is unnecessary
Think of all the starving people in Africa. They don't have finals and papers to write. They also don't have much food to eat. But if they did have finals and papers, chances are they could pull it off without food. Live by their example and save time and money. You can use that extra cash after school's out. As an added bonus, by then you'll have the Holocaust victim-inspired physique of Paris Hilton that is currently en vogue.
-Don't waste time on details
Every second is of the essence at this point in the semester. To save time, give up personal hygiene for a week. You really don't need to bathe or brush your teeth every day. Another quick timesaver is wearing the same clothes for a week or two. Sure, you'll come off like a cartoon character, but soon those jeans and that hoodie will feel like a grimy second skin.
Your stankiness will unwittingly assist you in avoiding the temptation of social interaction. People will avoid you, instead of vice-versa.
-Solitary confinement
It's super-tempting to just chuck it all and party like there's no tomorrow when the pressure hits. Well, I say do it. Drink one for me!
This guide will successfully see you through the end of the year. Disclaimer: I may be too stressed out to be funny. Read at your own risk. For entertainment purposes only.
-Keep a clear head
Yes, it's tempting to get all wasted, but you can do that when school is out. Instead, continuously imbibe coffee. Don't like coffee? Try soda, or pop, if you will. You'll have plenty of extra time to study, because you won't have to sleep. After a few days you'll be shaking and hallucinating like a jacked-up meth head, but hey, school is just that important.
-Eating is unnecessary
Think of all the starving people in Africa. They don't have finals and papers to write. They also don't have much food to eat. But if they did have finals and papers, chances are they could pull it off without food. Live by their example and save time and money. You can use that extra cash after school's out. As an added bonus, by then you'll have the Holocaust victim-inspired physique of Paris Hilton that is currently en vogue.
-Don't waste time on details
Every second is of the essence at this point in the semester. To save time, give up personal hygiene for a week. You really don't need to bathe or brush your teeth every day. Another quick timesaver is wearing the same clothes for a week or two. Sure, you'll come off like a cartoon character, but soon those jeans and that hoodie will feel like a grimy second skin.
Your stankiness will unwittingly assist you in avoiding the temptation of social interaction. People will avoid you, instead of vice-versa.
-Solitary confinement
It's super-tempting to just chuck it all and party like there's no tomorrow when the pressure hits. Well, I say do it. Drink one for me!
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