Spring Break
Advice column: Eviction impossible
Ben Erwin and Holly Henschen/ Verge staff
Issue date: 4/23/04 Section: The Verge
Dear Verge-
I've been living with three friends of mine all year and we tentatively have a house next year. But the problem is that I don't think I can live with them another year. They're my friends and all, but I really need to concentrate on my own thing next year. And the atmosphere of partying, drinking and not going to class isn't conducive to that.
I don't have the heart to say I don't want to live with them because they are my friends, but I don't know what I can do. I'm also worried about screwing them out of a roommate even though we've yet to actually sign our lease. The best option I can think of is trying to get them to not want me as a roommate, but I don't know quite how to turn their opinion without being a complete jerk.
How can I get them to not want to live with me, but still remain as relatively close as we already are? I need to get evicted from my own house.
- Sans Home
He said:
While honesty would certainly be the best policy here, I understand not wanting to hurt the feelings of your current roommates. Is it a bit presumptuous of you, however, to assume they'll really be that torn up about it? Maybe if you just tell them you won't be able to live them, they'll simply find another roommate on a campus packed with thousands of people all seeking residence off campus.
Who am I kidding? This is the perfect opportunity to do any weird, crazy or deranged thing you've ever wanted.
If you want them to discard you as a future roommate, the first thing you might want to try is a moratorium on bathing and personal hygiene, in general. This will take a lot of commitment, especially if you plan to venture out in public in the next two weeks, but it's your best bet at turning people away from you. Even though it's getting warm, stop bathing.
For that matter, stop wearing deodorant, brushing your teeth or cutting your hair. They may be your friends, but chances are they don't want to live with "the dirty kid." Note: this will only work if the level of your hygiene drastically drops below that of your current roommates. If your friends are already a bunch of filthy bastards without any regard for personal hygiene they might just start to love you even more.
If that doesn't work, consider becoming a nudist. Again, this will take a level of personal commitment you may not be prepared to give, but I'm sure your friends will be creeped out if you start becoming known as "weird naked guy."
Just lounge around the house naked and act as if nothing has changed. If your friends ask for an explanation, just say you feel the need to be free and that this is the new you. If the new naked you is merely accepted, start getting a little huggy. If your roommates are tolerant enough to accept their newly naked friend being overly affectionate, they're sure to understand something as trivial as you not wanting to live with them or your need for them to start toning down personal behavior.
If all else fails just start acting crazy. Not crazy bad, necessarily, but crazy in a "what the hell is wrong with this guy" kind of way.
Try becoming nocturnal for a few weeks. Start basing your diet solely around pudding. Try building a sandbox in your living room a la' Brian Wilson and explain it's helping your creativity as an artist. Start speaking and acting in a character other than yourself, or begin talking to yourself incessantly. If all else fails, buy some cardboard, build yourself a replica Pope hat and proclaim yourself the religious ruler of the house. If the "house Pope" illicits little reaction, propose an inquisition on the neighbors.
You can try any of these suggestions or simply suck it up and be honest with your friends.
She said:
Hey, here's a concept: tell your roommates the truth. As much as you enjoy their company, you really need to get down to business. As the old saying goes, you're in college to get an education. Assure them you will still be available to hang out and be wild and crazy guys together, but you just can't do it all the time. You didn't sign a lease, so you're not in any legal violation. But tell them, and tell them now, or they may be angry you didn't give them enough time to search for another roommate.
If you can't tell them you don't want to live in a drunken haze next semester, start acting rather bookish. Wear a smoking jacket around the house, and insist they "keep it down to a dull roar" so you can finish your leisure reading before polo practice. When they suggest a liquor run, tell them to get you a bottle of merlot. They will realize you are worlds apart and be excited when you opt out of cohabiting with them. Kudos for wanting to "concentrate on your own thing" and leave the world of co-ed inebriation.
I've been living with three friends of mine all year and we tentatively have a house next year. But the problem is that I don't think I can live with them another year. They're my friends and all, but I really need to concentrate on my own thing next year. And the atmosphere of partying, drinking and not going to class isn't conducive to that.
I don't have the heart to say I don't want to live with them because they are my friends, but I don't know what I can do. I'm also worried about screwing them out of a roommate even though we've yet to actually sign our lease. The best option I can think of is trying to get them to not want me as a roommate, but I don't know quite how to turn their opinion without being a complete jerk.
How can I get them to not want to live with me, but still remain as relatively close as we already are? I need to get evicted from my own house.
- Sans Home
He said:
While honesty would certainly be the best policy here, I understand not wanting to hurt the feelings of your current roommates. Is it a bit presumptuous of you, however, to assume they'll really be that torn up about it? Maybe if you just tell them you won't be able to live them, they'll simply find another roommate on a campus packed with thousands of people all seeking residence off campus.
Who am I kidding? This is the perfect opportunity to do any weird, crazy or deranged thing you've ever wanted.
If you want them to discard you as a future roommate, the first thing you might want to try is a moratorium on bathing and personal hygiene, in general. This will take a lot of commitment, especially if you plan to venture out in public in the next two weeks, but it's your best bet at turning people away from you. Even though it's getting warm, stop bathing.
For that matter, stop wearing deodorant, brushing your teeth or cutting your hair. They may be your friends, but chances are they don't want to live with "the dirty kid." Note: this will only work if the level of your hygiene drastically drops below that of your current roommates. If your friends are already a bunch of filthy bastards without any regard for personal hygiene they might just start to love you even more.
If that doesn't work, consider becoming a nudist. Again, this will take a level of personal commitment you may not be prepared to give, but I'm sure your friends will be creeped out if you start becoming known as "weird naked guy."
Just lounge around the house naked and act as if nothing has changed. If your friends ask for an explanation, just say you feel the need to be free and that this is the new you. If the new naked you is merely accepted, start getting a little huggy. If your roommates are tolerant enough to accept their newly naked friend being overly affectionate, they're sure to understand something as trivial as you not wanting to live with them or your need for them to start toning down personal behavior.
If all else fails just start acting crazy. Not crazy bad, necessarily, but crazy in a "what the hell is wrong with this guy" kind of way.
Try becoming nocturnal for a few weeks. Start basing your diet solely around pudding. Try building a sandbox in your living room a la' Brian Wilson and explain it's helping your creativity as an artist. Start speaking and acting in a character other than yourself, or begin talking to yourself incessantly. If all else fails, buy some cardboard, build yourself a replica Pope hat and proclaim yourself the religious ruler of the house. If the "house Pope" illicits little reaction, propose an inquisition on the neighbors.
You can try any of these suggestions or simply suck it up and be honest with your friends.
She said:
Hey, here's a concept: tell your roommates the truth. As much as you enjoy their company, you really need to get down to business. As the old saying goes, you're in college to get an education. Assure them you will still be available to hang out and be wild and crazy guys together, but you just can't do it all the time. You didn't sign a lease, so you're not in any legal violation. But tell them, and tell them now, or they may be angry you didn't give them enough time to search for another roommate.
If you can't tell them you don't want to live in a drunken haze next semester, start acting rather bookish. Wear a smoking jacket around the house, and insist they "keep it down to a dull roar" so you can finish your leisure reading before polo practice. When they suggest a liquor run, tell them to get you a bottle of merlot. They will realize you are worlds apart and be excited when you opt out of cohabiting with them. Kudos for wanting to "concentrate on your own thing" and leave the world of co-ed inebriation.
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